He and She Said:
The caucuses, campaigning, debating and mudslinging are done, and election day is at hand.
It’s time to do your civic duty: Get out and vote in the bigger, bolder, sweeter, 2nd Annual King Cake Death Match.
What to do about the housing crisis? We have no idea. How to curb a nuclear Iran? We got nothing. But on the weighty issue of king cake, we’ve got a platform and a plan:
Thanks to the amazing generosity of our Gang of Eleven, we have the sweetest ballot you’ve ever seen, and it’s your job to keep the world safe for democracy by evaluating them all.
Poll tax? Unconstitutional. This event is FREE, as our electoral process was meant to be. That’s right, you’ll sample the contenders at no cost in this open pastry primary. On the ticket:
The incumbent: Cake Cafe and Bakery
And the challengers:
La Divina Gelateria
La Dolce Nola
Maple Street Patisserie
Maurice French Pastry
Your polling precinct: Patrick’s Bar Vin in the newly renovated Hotel Mazarin, 730 Bienville in the French Quarter. Ballots will be cast in the fabulous rain-proof courtyard. Bar Vin will provide a cash bar, including $5 specials on prosecco and today’s release of Lucky Player King Cake Vodka to help grease the wheels of democracy.
Polls open promptly at 7pm, and, presuming no hanging chads, a winner will be declared at 9pm.
So skip lunch (hell ,skip breakfast), and show up ready to digest the issue of the day: King cake.