You either get this or you don’t.

I know many New Orleanians who have no use for Jazzfest. It’s expensive, crowed, hot, and punctuated by the occasional monsoon. A home run national act at the Acura Stage can induce pedestrian gridlock, transforming the Fairgrounds to the 101 freeway in LA.

Every bit of this is true and all of it is justification for calling this thing one big bucket of tie-died overrated and staying as far away as possible.

If that’s all there is.

But there’s so much more, of course, most of it centered around tradition and ritual. If you already get it, you probably don’t need to read this. Or maybe you should just to point out the pieces I miss. If you don’t get it, I’m here this morning to tell you how you can, and that there is hope for you yet. So let’s get ready for the next two weekends and chat about why Jazz Fest is the greatest event in NOLA, shall we?

First things first: This is a festival for people who are passionate about music. If you’re just not, you’re probably right not to bother with it. But if you can, these are the High Holy Weeks. And can we agree to table the clueless comments about how this act or that act ‘isn’t jazz?’ Jazz Fest is an enormous celebration of a broad swath of music. If you choose, you can attend the Fest and not see anything other than pure jazz (we won’t go off on a tangent here about where the boundaries of jazz lie. That’s an interesting discussion for another day.) But here’s the thing: every single act at the Fest, from Juvenile to The Black Keys to Earth Wind and Fire owes a debt to jazz. Jazz and Blues together are the Ur-texts of 20^th (and 21^st) century popular music, the beginnings of everything. So do not pass Go and do not collect $200 if you can’t dive headfirst into the music. But if you can, it just gets better from there. Here we go:

Repeat after me: Jazz Fest is NOT a two-weekend festival at the Fairgrounds. This is the most common misconception about the event. Yes the Fairgrounds scene is the central framing mechanism of the Fest, but Jazz Fest is more accurately described as a two-weekend co-opting of the entire city. Everything in town revolves around, relates to, and enhances the event. I’ll give you some thoughts on the Fairgrounds, and then we’ll cover the goings-on around town.

At the Fairgrounds: If you’re a Fest regular, you probably know all of this already and you likely have some brilliant logistical tips of your own (please share). If not, here’s a list of bullet points that can help improve your experience:

• Consider setting up a camp and leaving it: Set your collection of chairs/tarps/ etc up at your stage of choice, typically the place where you plan on finishing the day or spending the most time. Feel free to leave. Your stuff will be fine, and you’ve secured a landing site for later in the day, freeing you to wander early. Speaking of that…
• Wander Early: Sample the food and the art early in the day, before things get intense. After  a final supply run, settle down later to stay in one place for the last act or two, leaving only for the bathroom, which won’t be so bad if you employ the proper Jazz Fest Feng Shui when setting up your camp…
• Work the Outside Edges: If you’re plan involves finishing at Acura or Gentilly, set up your camp near the outside edge of the stage. Dropping a blanket near the inner loop for a Dave Matthews set is the Jazzfest equivalent of building your house on the dragon’s eyeball. Very bad Feng Shui. Setting up near the outer loop allows MUCH easier egress and ingress (I love that word) allowing for bathroom runs and even the Holy Grail of the Fest: the late-stage beer run. And speaking of bathrooms…
• Advanced bathroom technique: Don’t forget about the real restrooms in the Grandstand, and the opportunity to get inside for an A/C break if the day’s a real scorcher.
• Eating: The food at the Fairgrounds is justifiably legendary. Here are my favorites:
  • Softshell Crab Po-Boy
  • Cochon de Lait Po-Boy
  • Pheasant Quail and Andouille Gumbo
  • Crawfish Bread
  • Tagine of Lamb

So there’s your little primer for the Fairgrounds, but let’s talk about the Fest outside the Fest, the nonstop party that Jazz Fest brings to NOLA:

Music: This is the best fortnight of music on the New Orleans calendar. Every venue books their biggest shows of the year, and these are the sets at which you’re most likely to get a terrific surprise, like Herbie Hancock getting up to jam at Snug Harbor or Lindsey Buckingham siting in with someone unannounced. Here are just a few of the gems:

• Piano Night: WWOZ’s signature fundraiser at the House of Blues each year the Monday after the first weekend. Show starts at 7ish and goes on pretty much forever. Count on being worthless Tuesday morning.
• ChazFest: 10 hours of local music in the 9^th Ward on the Wednesday between the weekends. A Fest within the Fest. How cool is that?
• Galactic at Tipitina’s: Both Saturdays of the Fest. Actually, that’s not true. This legendary annual set starts at 2am, so you can call it your Sunday morning set. And yes, it will be daylight when you leave.
• Herlin Riley/Terence Blanchard at Snug Harbor: drummer Riley on the first Saturday and trumpet player Blanchard on the second Sunday are the traditional Snug sets, and they are as good as it gets for straight-up jazz.
• Triple Play at Mid City Lanes: The Rock ‘n’ Bowl delivers a triple bill on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night of each weekend, featuring acts like Kermit Ruffins, Sunny Landreth, Tab Benoit, and others. Among the best deals in town.
• And all of that is just a sampler, with every club stacked. It is hard to go wrong.

Dining: Some say these are the weekends to avoid NOLA restaurants. You’ll fight the biggest crowds of the year for sure, but no other time can match the convivial atmosphere at every table around you. We do a large group dinner once every Fest, and never the same place twice. There are two approaches, and we vary between them. Either go immediately after the Fest to a non-reservation place, or make the reservations early for a big table at 9:30 or so, giving you time to get home and clean up before stepping out. This year we could think of nothing better that Pesche, Donald Link’s new place on Magazine, and we’ll be there Saturday night. In 2012 we had a terrific finish at Suis Generis in Bywater, and over the years there have been so many others: Casamento’s, Boucherie, La Petite Grocery, Iris, and Jackson (remember that place?) just to name a few. If you plan to go the no reservations route, consider Maurepas and the new Mariza, both terrific landing spots in Bywater. One way or the other, group dining is a good Jazzfest tradition to have.

And that circles us around to the people, the real reason these weekends are so great. We all agree Jazzfest isn’t cheap, but the corollary to that is a city full of people nutty enough about music to put their money where their mouth is and get their asses down here for this. Very simply, there is no better time to make a bunch of new friends from all over the world. Be sure to talk to the folks in the chairs next to you at the Fairgrounds, at the next table a Domenica, waiting in line with you for Tipitina’s. You’ve got instant commonality and the opportunity to hear some great stories and learn some new things. And you might get along well enough to see each other next year, and the year after that. And that is what the Fest is really all about. Like most everything else in life, you get out of it what you put in.

It doesn’t get much better than this

He and She Said:

Another French Quarter Fest in the books, and for us an odd one. Family commitments took us to Houston over the weekend, meaning we missed out on Friday and Saturday completely. Ever dedicated, we braved the rain Thursday and enjoyed the unexpected sun and light crowds on Sunday, managing to hit about 15 different stages and eat more than we should. All of this out of our dedication to you, constant reader.

So here are our observations, highlights, and lowlights from an abbreviated but nevertheless terrific weekend:

To Each His Own: Funny that as we were thinking again that this is our favorite Fest of the year one of us had a conversation with a co-worker who said ’You can have it; I’ll take Jazzfest everytime.’

Better Lucky than Good: We are told that the crowds on Friday and especially Saturday were intense. Everybody and their brother took advantage of the perfect weather and kept an eye on the sketchy Sunday forecast. Our strange schedule gave us the least crowded Fest we’ve experienced in forever, reminiscent of the days before this thing turned into a monstrosity. Which brings us to our next point.

Go on Thursday: This was the second year of the expanded schedule and Thursday is a can’t miss if you want to avoid the crowds. No Mint, Royal, or Bourbon Stages on those days (maybe next year?) but plenty of great music nonetheless.

PoBoy Wars: Boucherie’s 12 hour was again very solid, and R’Evolution’s new Debris with Truffle Slaw was nice, but both should take a lesson from the king of the hill, Love at First Bite’s mindbending Cochon de Lait, stuffed with about half a hog worth of meat and boasting a smoky flavor nobody else can match. This is the best single dish at the Fest.

Hangover City, Baby: The Genchili Dog from Dreamy Weenie at the Mint was all we knew it would be (we’d sampled it at the Rampart restaurant previously): the new heavyweight champion in the hangover food category. Next year, if you’re hurting from the night before, make a beeline to the Mint for this.

The soon to be legendary Genchili Dog

Other food and drink observations: Mimosas this year, which we don’t think we’ve ever seen before. A terrific Pineapple/Lime/Cilantro Margarita from El Gato Negro along with the always good Sangria. Disappointed in the flavorless Mrs. Wheat’s crawfish pie and in Three Muses for failing to make their new menu item on Sunday, depriving us of the chance to sample it.

New Stages: Two minutes after sitting down at the Palm Court we looked at each other and wondered why this hasn’t always been a stage. Great venue. Likewise the House of Blues Voodoo Garden, an enormous improvement over the upper Decatur stage of the past two years. Next year be sure to check out both of these, but hopefully you won’t wait like we did for one of our lowlights:

Act Like You’ve Been There: Nothing but lumps of coal for Vagabond Swing, a band we normally like. They were 30 minutes late for their HOB set, and it was interesting to watch them sauntering around in no rush at all so that by the time they played their hardcore fans remained and anyone interested in checking them out for the first time had left. Way to grow your market, guys.

K-College at Dutch Alley: Best surprise of the entire Fest. We strolled into Dutch Alley on the way to the upper Quarter and caught a set by 21 college music students from the University of Kent in England who proceeded to light the stage on fire, delivering one blistering funk-infused piece after another, all the while switching vocalists and instrumentalists. They were brilliant, and a set no one at the Fest would want to follow.

K-College Band at Dutch Alley

Other Music Gems: Micheala Harrison and her incredible voice. Check her out at Café Istanbul on Thursdays; you’ll be glad you did. Susan Cowsill’s engaging and enjoyable set. She is funny, talented and a great performer. Linnzi Zaorski at the French Market Stage. Yet another lady with a great voice, and one to look for at Three Muses and The Spotted Cat.

Best Set: We know we missed some great ones Friday and Saturday (we heard good things about the Hot 8 in particular), but our best were the Soul Rebels, closing the Brass Band stage on Thursday. They are fantastic every time we see them.

So yes, it was too short, and yes we plan to make up for it next year, but it was great as always. What about you? Did you hit the new stages? What was the food and the music that blew you away? We’d love to know.

It’s the killing, stupid. It’s the killing.

Recently much of New Orleans took a break between the festivals we attended last weekend and the ones we have planned for this one to engage in our other favorite activity: being righteously pissed at anyone who dares criticize NOLA.

We love our festivals here, and our music, and our culture, and our architecture, and our spirit, and our individuality. But most of all, we love us some us.

And we’re good at many things here. One of the things we’re best at is circling the wagons when any outsiders start firing arrows in our direction. That is sadly ironic when the arrows are metaphorical but the ceaseless hail of bullets they frequently reference is all too real.

But never mind all that. In case you haven’t heard (oh who am I kidding? Of course you heard. We obsess on our national image here like a fourteen year old on Facebook.) Bill O’Reilly and sidekick Geraldo Rivera took shots at us this week in the context of the now (deservedly) infamous House of Detention video.

It took all of about three seconds for a coalition of the willing to fire off an impassioned response to O’Reilly and Rivera. Predictably, Rivera’s lazy (and utterly false) characterization of everything outside the French Quarter as a ‘vast urban wasteland’ is drawing all the headlines, with NOLA defenders weighing in en masse with everything including photo collages in a feverish drive to refute this slander.

Well what if I gave you a different sort of photo collage, one that included the 35 year-old cab driver gunned down yesterday morning in Treme? The seventh cab driver murdered over the last 2 years. What if I also included Joseph Massenburg, the 18 year old Americorps volunteer who couldn’t survive in New Orleans for 30 days?

In 1955, the mother of Emmett Till, a 14 year old murdered near Money, Mississippi, insisted on an open casket funeral for her son. He’d been beaten, shot, weighted with an industrial fan wrapped around his neck, and thrown in the Tallahatchie River. The photos from the funeral could not be ignored; they ignited a media firestorm and helped catalyze the civil rights movement. You can find them on the internet, but be sure you have a strong stomach before you do.

Maybe it’s time to do the same thing here. Maybe we should publish every crime scene photo, document every dead body lying in a New Orleans street. Because don’t let the fact that Rivera is a clueless hack distract you from the larger point that O’Reilly made: we tolerate the unspeakable here.

It’s about the killing, about the murders.

With all due respect to the concerned citizens of New Orleans falling all over themselves to trumpet our charter schools, our newfound status as an entrepreneurial hotbed, and the fact that we’re so damn progressive we’re actually down to just one assessor, the dead folks don’t care.

Murder is final, beyond appeal, beyond reform or incremental change, and our stratospheric enthusiasm for killing each other is a horrifying blight on this city.

Great live music doesn’t cover it up. Festivals don’t fix it. And a bunch of talented Idea Villagers don’t compensate for our killing fields.

So let me ask you, Business Council of New Orleans and River Region, Citizens for 1 Greater New Orleans, Common Good, and Greater New Orleans Inc: You took the time in your letter to correct Rivera’s claim that our murder rate is 14 times that of New York City; did you also take the time to write a letter wondering why Marlin Gusman is still employed this morning?

You’re right about the murder rate, by the way. The numbers I found suggest that it is more like only 12 times the NYC rate. Wow what a relief. Even better, NOLA.com found it useful to point out that New York had a historically low murder rate in 2012, implying I guess that if only those in Gotham would start 86ing each other with more vigor we wouldn’t look so bad. So we’ve got that going for us.

So here’s the point, NOLA: The Orleans Parish Sheriff’s Department is part of the local criminal justice system, a system that is remarkably, systemically, categorically broken (You know how I know? I checked the murder rate; it’s a pass/fail test, people).  Let us set aside for a moment the obvious fact we should not tolerate the antics depicted even within the context of an objectively functional system. In a system as broken as ours, the video is a slap in the face to every citizen in the area, a further punch in the gut to the family of any murder victim in this city.

And spare me the ‘it was four years ago and that facility is closed’ crap: Do you seriously want to tell me that the one time some craziness went down in the O.P.P. it just happened to be caught on video, and that video just happened to hang around? Other than that one bad day that was unfortunately documented, everything was fine? Go ahead and lie to yourself, but don’t lie to me. Gusman needs to be gone, should have been gone already.

(Sidebar: Gusman now claims the criticism of him might be racially motivated. So Marlin, you’re saying that if O.P.P.-Fest had gone down on the watch of a white sheriff we’d have all been fine with it? Um, good luck with that, buddy.)

Let me just clarify it for you with the numbers. In 2012, the murder rate in NYC was 2.72 per 100,000 residents. The rate in New Orleans was a grim 32.65. But wait, there’s more: According to the letter penned by the aforementioned civic groups, the population of the Gusman’s little kingdom is about 2000 inmates (a correction of the ridiculous 60,000 figure thrown out by clown prince Rivera). And according to NOLA.com ‘40 people have died in the prison facility since 2006, or more than six per year.’

Do the math and we get a rate per 100,000 of 300 murders per year inside the walls, more than nine times the abysmal rates for New Orleans as a whole.

 This isn’t a prison. It’s a finishing school for killers.

Bill O’Reilly and Geraldo Rivera will move on, tilting at other windmills. After all, this is what they do. And we’ll all still be here. And unless we start thinking about whether the ‘perception problem’ about New Orleans might actually be coming from the inside, so will the killing.

This thing just keeps on growing, doesn’t it? Last year FQF added Thursday for the first time. All you need do is look at this year’s Thursday music lineup and it’ obvious that was a success. Some acts are back who missed the lineup last year, there are always some new dicoveries, and choosing is as always the hardest thing. You know the drill by now: Below are some best bests, some of the things I find most intriguing about this year’s lineup. But never, never, never just take my advice or anyone else’s; drop in on a set or three from some people you don’t know and you’ll find yourself with some new favorites before the weekend’s over. Let’s get to it:

Thursday:

You know that ‘don’t spend the day in only one place’ advice we always give? Well you could be forgiven for ignoring us a bit on Thursday and hitting the double bill of Joe Krown, Walter Wolfman Washington and Russell Batiste from 12:45-2:00 and Irma Thomas from 2:15-3:45 at the Abita stage. But there are some other gems available on the first day as well.

Susan Cowsill from 4:30-5:30 at the Louis Louis Pavilion is essential. If you’ve never seen her, this would be a good day. If you’ve seen her 50 times, this would still be a good day.

Banu Gibson from 12:30-1:45 at Jackson Square: We used to check out this old-school songstress at Donna’s in the days before the best club on Rampart shut down. Think great musicians and terrific standards.

Soul Rebels from  5:15 to 6:45 at the Capital One stage: This ridiculous brass band missed FQF last year, and it was noticed. Maybe the best act on the first day of the Fest.

Friday:

Irene Sage 12:45-2:00 at the Abita Stage. Sage is sometimes at the fest, sometimes not, but her blue-eyed soul and big voice are worth a listen when she is. And if you finish at the Abita stage, you’ll get

Papa Grows Funk 7:30-8:45 Abita stage. Veterans of the Maple Leaf, and sure to provide one of the most danceable sets at the Fest.

Gal Holiday 12:30-1:45 at the Louis Louis Pavilion. Always best to hit this stage early, and Gal’s take on country standards is just the ticket. One of our favorite acts.

Debauche 5:45-7:00 at the Mint World Stage. Russian mafia music? ‘Nuff said. Ya gotta see thee guys.

Colin Lake Trio 5:00-7:00 at the HOB stage. Steel guitar virtuoso Colin Lake will be terrific, and you might want to just hang around for always great John Lisi from 7:30-9:00 on the same stage.

The Piano Professors present the music of Jelly Roll Morton, James Booker, and Profesor Longhair 5:00-7:30 at Irvin Mayfield’s Jazz Playhouse: Bone up on your jazz history over a cool cocktail. This should be a very good set.

Flow Tribe 5:30 to 7:00 at the Mint Made in the Shade Stage. Fun and funky; everytime I see these guys I’m glad I did

Lionel Ferbos 2:00-3:00 at Jackson Square. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you’ll kick yourself if you never catch perhaps the oldest performing musician on earth. Ferbos’ jazz career spans almost the entirety of the genre. He is a local and national treasure.

Saturday:

Davell Crawford 5:45-7:15 Abita Stage: Crawford is a Sung Harbor regular, which is really all you need to know about his musical chops. A consumate performer.

Kristin Diable 5:15-6:00 BMI Singer Songwriter: Rising star Diable has been one of our faves for the past year or so, and this is the BMI set I most want to see.

Hot 8 Brass Band 5:30-7:00 Capital One stage: A perennial favorite with a terrific new release in 2012, they are not to be missed.

Bill Summers and Jazalsa 5:40-7:00 Mint World Stage: Perusionist Summers teams with Irvin Mayfield in Los Hombres Calientes, and I’d like to see what he does here.

Meschiya Lake 12:45-2:00 French Market stage: We’ve caught Lake a couple of times recently at the Little Gem. A retro vibe and silky voice. No doubt the dancers will hit this one hard.

Battle of the Bands, including Jerry Embree 5:30-7:00 Harrah’s stage 400 Royal. Embree played our wedding, so we’ll always have a soft spot for him. See him here for a lot less than my father-in-law paid.

Harmanouche 3:30-5:00 Rouses stage 700 Royal. Gypsy jazz from the same Raphael Bas who holds down one of the best SUnday afternoon sets in town at Three Muses.

Irvin Mayfield 5:00-6:30 Jackson Square. Mayfield is incredible. If you don’t believe me, just ask him. Fortunately, he does have the mad skills to back his, um, confidence. This was one of the best sets of the Fest 2 years ago.

Sunday:

Eric Lindell 4:00-5:15 Abita stage: Lindell’s a blues guitarist who’s been playing around town longer than I can remember. Very skillful; always good.

Luke Winslow-King 3:00-3:30 BMI Singer Songwriter: Classic troubadour guitar player and singer, WInslow-King is the other act I’d really like to catch at BMI.

Rockin’ Dopsie and the Zydeco Twisters 3:30-5:00 Zydeco stage: Ya gotta catch some zydeco at the Fest, and you won’t go wrong with these guys.

Smokin’ Time Jazz Club 11:00-12:15 French Market Stage: Former Royal Street buskers and Spotted Cat regulars, this is vintage acoustic danceable jazz.

Helen Gillet’s Wazozo Orchestra 3:00-4:15 Harrah’s stage 400 Royal. We dicovered Gillet only a little more than a year ago. She’s a fantasticly talented cellist, delivering an unusual mix of music. Mesmerizing.

Glen David Andrews 7:00-11:00 Irvin Mayfield’s Jazz Playhouse: Andrews is electric, regularly killing it on Friday nights at Three Muses. He is better in intimate venues where he can connect with the audience, and this should be an ideal setting for him.

Astral Project 5:30-7:00 Mint Made in the Shade stage: We’ve seen this set to close the Fest in previous years, and it always delivers. Virtuoso modern jazz, and a great way to say goodby to FQF 2013

So those are some of the acts that jump out at us on this year’s schedule, but if you’ve been to FQF before you know you can’t go wrong with any of the others either. Good luck and happy Festing!

Muriel’s Crawfish and Goat Cheese Crepes

She Said:

Sunglasses: check!

Blanket:  check!

Music schedule:  check!

It’s a gloriously sunny day in mid-April as the sun shines blissfully across the manicured lawn in Jackson Square. The honeysuckle and fresh cut grass smell are all but non-existent, instead replaced by wafts of crawfish, slow cooked duck and perfectly golden fried donuts. There is absolutely no place you or I would rather be than in New Orleans at the 30^th Annual French Quarter Festival. Showcasing the city’s premier musical talent and food that is sure to make you want to slap your mama, the annual event proves the perfect culmination of all things rendering  New Orleans a truly soul-capturing destination.

Having done this a time or twelve, I strongly suggest a two pronged approach to the fest: list both your music set and food must haves by location and then create a master plan to be sure you get them all. If you are at all like me, the food side might look like it chewed up Rebirth and spit them out. Assuming this to be the case you have two choices:  either go more days (like I opt for) or bring 8 of your closest friends to share your culinary adventure. My plan always hinges on the music as the base with the nearest foot options accompanying the tunes. Time and stomach space is far too precious to waste on average food.

Enter the He Said She Said culinary duo. Our picks are tried and true so you can bet your sweet ass we have sampled damn near every vendor through the years. First things first: keep these few simple rules of engagement in mind and read-on for the best of the fest food recommendations.

• Steer clear of the restaurants.  They are likely to be over crowded and frankly, that is what every other weekend in the French Quarter is for. Skip breakfast and hit the booths as they open at 11. This helps with pacing your culinary journey.
• Print out the food list and have it highlighted based upon your preferences. The festival management has done a good job over the past few years of listing food booths by general area.

Newcomers of note are listed under their respective food areas.  FQF added vendors at 500 Decatur Street this year which Idid not break out separately because of the limited depth of options. It is worth a stop however if you are in the area to get a Lasyone’s Meat Pie.

Once again, we use our nearly famous Mardi Gras Indian rating scale to present our favorites by location. Here’s how it works:

Big Chief: The can’t miss, kick-ass, hate yourself tomorrow if you didn’t eat it featured item.

Flag Boy: Close to the Big Chief. Our pick for second best in the area.

Spy Boy: Light on its feet. Refreshing and reviving choices.

Medicine Man: Good for what could ail you. Festival comfort food hearty enough to absorb some alcohol.

Wild Man: Step out of your comfort zone and try something unusual.

We’ll start with Woldenberg Riverfront Stage-

FQFI, I once again beg you to consider splitting out the two areas of food encompassed in the Woldenberg Riverfront Stage listing. There is almost nothing worse than fixing your face for Boucherie’s 12 Hour Roast Beef Po’Boy and realizing that the only thing keeping you from your your ultimate destiny is 3 small stages, harboring six thousand people.

New this year and worth trying at the Woldenberg Riverfront in 2013:

Cool Fruit Sensations:  serving up lemonade, strawberry lemonade, pineapple lemonade and watermelon lemonade in addition to fruit bowls.
Restaurant R’evolution: Beef Debris Po-Boy with Truffle Cole Slaw- definitely on a must-try list!

Big Chief: Boucherie 12 Hour Roast Beef Po’Boy with Pickled Red Onions and Horseradish Crème. There is a reason this dish reigns supreme for a third year- it is just that good!

Flag Boy: Love at First Bite Cochon de lait po boy. Walker’s restaurant in New Orleans East has been showcasing this giant since 2009 under it’s catering arm Love at First Bite. I would say this is a can’t miss.

Spy Boy:  I gotta go with the freeze. If this past weekend was any indication, you’ll be hot and looking for something to keep cool.  Mango Freeze will do the trick.

Medicine Man:  Run on over to Crescent Pie and Sausage for some alcohol absorbing Bad Bart’s Black Jambalaya and a sausage link.  That should do the trick.

Wild Man:  Hands down R’evolution’s Beef Debris Po-Boy with Truffle Cole Slaw. I’ll put my money on this pick any day.

Jackson Square-

Back again from a brief hiatus is Jaques-Imo’s Café with a Slow Roasted Duck Po-Boy and their signature Shrimp & Alligator Sausage Cheesecake. Unfortunately there are no newcomers among the vendors at Jackson Square.

Big Chief: Ahh Muriel’s, how I dream of your Crawfish and Goat Cheese Crepe 11 months per year. Unless this is your first FQF, get here first thing of the day to avoid the obnoxiously long lines. Crepes are the perfect breakfast food!. Located just to the right of the clock facing the Cathedral.

Flag Boy: Dickie Brennan’s Steakhouse Prime Beef debris poboy gets my vote for second place at Jackson Square. This is always a solid option. You’ll find them at the Dickie Brennan’s Bourbon House booth.

Spy Boy:  Wash some crepes and a prime beef debris poboy down with a little Creole Crème Cheese ice cream with Louisiana strawberries a la Quinton’s Ice Cream.

Medicine Man: Vaucresson Sausage Company’s Creole Crawfish Sausage Po-Boy should do the trick.  If your night was such a blow-out that you are not yet ready for food, start the day with a generous portion of liquid vegetables in the form of a Bloody Mary from Pat O’Brien’s.

Wild Man: I’m going with Jaques-Imo’s Slow Roasted Duck Po-Boy. If you like duck this is a smart bet. If you don’t like duck, you should.

Old U.S. Mint-

Schiro’s Café and Dreamy Weenies join the ranks for 2013. I am very glad to see not only is Three Muses back but they have added a new dish this year. Ultimately I still think the Mint’s food line-up is light in comparison to both its music schedule and its counterparts in other parts of the fest. If you find yourself here for an extended period of time however, fear not because you’ll find something worth your dollars.

Big Chief: Third time’s the charm for The Joint’s pulled pork poboy with coleslaw. This was a very tough decision given the competition Three Muses brought last year with their Lamb Sliders and Feta Fries.

Flag Boy: Give me the Lamb Sliders. It is no surprise as mentioned above that Three Muses gets the number 2 spot.

Spy Boy: Cool off with a Plum Street snoball while you enjoy the shade on the backside or the Zydeco in the sun.

Medicine Man: Dunbar’s catfish and potato salad is sure to soak up some of yesterday’s toxins and get you ready for hair of the dog.

Wild Man: Dreamy Weenies’ Genchili Dog gets my vote. Add some chili and the trinity to mix and you are sure to be cured from whatever spell you might have come under last night.

And there you have it. Our 2013 French Quarter Festival food picks. For the third year in a row, our guide for the discriminating Fest gourmand. Be sure to come hungry, do as much food ‘research’ as you can, and maybe we’ll see you there!

He and She Said:

Welcome to the 2011 2012 2013 French Quarter Fest.

Last year, we led with the story of the ant and the grasshopper. For 2013, we’re going all corporate on you.

Remember Who Moved My Cheese? Published in 1998, this was the organizational must-read of the fin de seicle, selling over 26 million copies. Yeah, that’s not a misprint. Some guy was struck by the blinding insight that things don’t always stay the same, managed to expand that one-sentence aphorism to about 100 pages (including preface, forward, afterword, acknowledgements, etc, etc), include a cast of characters named Sniff, Scurry, Hem and Haw (I’m not making this up), and make a freaking fortune. If you ever labor under the illusion that business persons know what they’re doing, pick up a copy of Who Moved My Cheese sometime and disabuse yourself of that notion.

But back to the matter at hand. As always, there is change at French Quarter Fest in 2013, and helping you cope with all that moving cheese (and poboys, and music, and beer, and…) is our pleasure and avocation here at He Said/She Said Global HQ. There’s a new title sponsor this year (Chevron), a new evening concert series, new stages, and a new food area. You know you’ll see our detailed guide to the food and to the music as the week progesses, but today we give you the never-imitated, somewhat legendary tribute to overthinking: our annual guide to FQF logistics, complete with maps and arrows and things, designed to help you get the most out of the festivities.

 Let’s dive right in:

Why to go: Are you kidding me? You do know your pockets are about to get vacuumed by two weekends of Jazzfest, right? Quint Davis could give Walt Disney tips on how to turn people upside-down and shake until their pockets turn inside-out. If you don’t have the spare change to mingle with the tie-dye gentry at the Fairgrounds this is the place for you. A weekend packed with more music than you can imagine, and every bit of it free. You’ll read our primer on this year’s best bets, right? And by the way, every bit of it’s local. No chance here of standing elbow to elbow with 100,000 people listening to someone who hasn’t been relevant since 1974. By the time Sunday night comes, you’ll feel like someone’s poured a barrelful of WWOZ over your naked body. And then there’s the food, a NOLA cornucopia of everything imaginable. And yes, we’ve done the heavy lifting for you on that topic as well, putting ourselves at caloric hazard to provide a Mardi Gras Indian themed guide to the can’t miss selections.

And then there’s the Quarter itself, at its marvelous best this time of year. A spring morning or afternoon on Governor Nichols, Royal, Barracks, Burgundy, and many other streets is a real treat. If all you ever see of the Quarter is Bourbon you’ve really sold yourself short. Despite our occasional snarky comments, we do love Jazzfest, but the Fairgrounds cannot match the living scenery of the French Quarter.

What to Bring: FQF is not Jazzfest. The geography is much larger, and you really need to take that into account. As with Jazzfest, be sure you have a hat, sunglasses, sunscreen, a camera, and comfortable shoes. Cash is king at the festival booths, but the mighty plastic is enthusiastically accepted at most fine FQ establishments. Many bars have ATMs with the typically usurious withdrawal fees and there is an actual, like, real Regions bank at the corner of Toulouse and Chartres as well.

Travel light. As light as you can. The set up your camp at the Acura stage and wander to return later deal doesn’t really work here. So unless you plan to hang at one stage all day (a practice we strongly discourage) pack as little gear as you can. Consider leaving the festival chairs at home and opt for a blanket instead. We cannot stress enough that exploring FQF the way you should will involve much more walking than at Jazzfest, so plan accordingly. But, the other side of this coin is that shade is readily available all day (check out our map for the 411 on shady music below), in stark contrast to the blast-furnace conditions that can sometime prevail at Jazzfest. And if it rains, no big deal either. Just a hunch, but we think you’ll not have trouble finding a cozy dry watering hole happy to have your custom. That’s a far better thing than standing miserably in a Fairgrounds deluge watching hippies mud-surf as animals walk by two-by-two on their way to the ark. (Anyone out there remember Billy Joel?)

Parking: So, you show up at 1:00pm and can’t believe there’s no place to park. Seriously? FQF is really not an in-and-out event. Our advice: Get there early and make a day of it. The lots on South Peter and Decatur (and pretty much everywhere else) fill up early, and you have to negotiate fifty thousand pedestrians playing alcohol-fueled Frogger to get to them. Believe it or not, we’ve actually parked legally on the street in the backside of the Quarter once or twice, but that was probably before 9am. If you must drive, consider the Marigny or even the CBD.

Your best stress free option is a cab or public transportation. If you drop a few bucks on a cab, so what? After all, it didn’t cost you $50 just to walk into the Quarter. But why not consider a bus or a streetcar? In 2012 our very smart friends over at Just Off the Red Streetcar Line did a terrific job of cataloging the various ways to get your ass to the Fest , and you can help yourself to the fruits of their labor. Just remember, there are many better options than leaving your Escalade across some Quarter resident’s driveway. There’s one number to call to have the offending carbon-footprint towed, and everyone who lives in the Quarter has it on speed-dial. Trust us on this.

Surviving the Woldenberg Stages: If you’ve read us last year or the year before, you’ve seen these maps before, but that doesn’t matter because virtually everyone at the Fest makes their way to the Riverfront sooner or later. Sadly, the Woldenberg stages represent the entirety of FQF for some. First piece of advice: Get around to the other stages. We’ve got details on the ins and outs of each below. But, you’re going to get to Woldenberg sometime, and this is where the complaints about overcrowding really escalate. A big part of that is poor planning. So check out right here our illustrated for surviving the Riverfront, including how NOT to get there, how to manage the most challenging stage at FQF, how to best manage the Abita Stage, and our guide to the Secret Stage:

Woldenberg Stages

First things first: Note the location of the Woldenberg stages on the map above. More importantly, note the streets, Saint Peter, Toulouse, and Saint Louis, that the vast majority of festival attendees use to access these stages. (Also note that new for 2013 is the Natchez Wharf Kid’s Stage at Tulouse and the river; I guess FQF felt this area didn’t draw enough crowds). Let’s take a look at what happens after that:

FQF Cattle Run

In essence, the entire traffic flow for three of the largest stages at the Fest (plus the new Children’s Stage) is compressed into a single walkway about 25 feet wide. This is usually where people start to complain about it being too crowded. Tip number one: Don’t use St, Peter, Toulouse, or St Louis to access the Riverfront. Which leads us to our next tip:

The most challenging stage at FQF, and how to navigate it:

Take a look at this view of the lovely Harrah’s ‘Louis Louis’ Pavillion:

One glance should tell you enough. This is a major stage with some very good acts, but it’s tucked away in a corner with limited green space, and almost everyone accessing the big Abita Stage passes right through the same area. As if that weren’t enough, Harrah’s is surrounded on two-sides by the dreaded food booth gauntlet. Think hard about this Stage. It will always be crowded, and if you want to see one of the late acts it might be best to just camp out there. Tip number two: As the arrow indicates, if you’re going to do this stage, access it via Conti Street, loop through the field behind the food booth gauntlet and come in from the opposite side of the running of the humans. And now on to our next topic:

Beyond the Point of No Return: The Abita Stage

This is the biggest stage, and chances are you’re gonna want to get there sometime during the fest. But, this is also the home of what we call the dreaded point of no return, the place where some throw in the towel and declare French Quarter Fest too crowded for their tastes. After you force your way through the running of the humans and pass the giant bottleneck created by the confluence of the Harrah’s Stage and the Food Booth Gauntlet you’re confronted by another even narrower walkway lined with more food booths before emerging into a meadow with what looks like a tent city occupying every square inch of grass. It’s at this point that some folks give up. But, there is a secret here. Check out this map:

Surviving the Abita Stage:
The bottleneck at the front of the meadow approaching the point of no return is so intense that most fest-goers don’t realize that the Abita Stage is actually less crowded near the front than it is near the back, because people get frustrated and give up, assuming it must be utter madness further forward. Tip number three: Access the Abita Stage from Bienville Street, avoiding the bottleneck completely, and snuggle in closer to the front of the stage. Which brings us to our final segment:

The Secret Stage: The Best Stage at Woldenberg

The Riverside Legacy Stage, or as we will always call it, The Brass Band Stage, is tucked between the Abita Stage and the Children’s area in front of the Aquarium. It goes without saying that you need more brass bands in your life. If you just finished a twelve-hour Hot 8 marathon, you still need more brass band in your life, if you take our meaning. Even better than that is the impact the bottlenecks at the other stages have on this one. Tip number four: Take Bienville Street, avoid the crowds, and hang a right turn directly into the small field alongside the Aquarium and in front of the Brass Band Stage.

Spread a blanket and do what you wanna in the absolute best crowd to music ratio at the entire fest.

There you have it: Four essential tips for navigating the Woldenberg stages. Follow this advice and we promise you’ll improve your FQF experience.

And finally, a few notes on the other stages at the fest:

The Mint: Several interesting secrets here: First, the backside stage along Esplanade gets afternoon shade, so this is a terrific place to spread a blanket. Also, inside the Mint are actual real bathrooms. Enter from either side and go up the stairs. For winos, the absolute most underrated wine list in New Orleans is just across Barracks at Louisiana Pizza Kitchen, of all places. And a few doors down from there is our favorite sangria in town (along with great margaritas) at El Gato Negro. For the visually oriented, check out this illustration of the joys of the Mint:

The French Market Stage: Steps away from El Gato Negro is also the French Market Stage. In case you didn’t know, NOLA is a swing-dance hotbed, and this is a great chance to see National Championship caliber dancers grooving to the music with plenty of room to take a shot at it yourself if you’re brave enough.

Royal Street: These are among our faves and often overlooked. Nice places to set up early and catch a set or two of gypsy jazz. Before you leave, be sure to check out the BMI Stage.

BMI Singer-Songwriter Stage: This is a find: a cool respite from the heat and crowds and another good bathroom location. As the name suggests, this stage features intimate 30 minute solo sets emphasizing the songwriter’s craft. Get here at least once.

Jackson Square: A good place to get to early in the day to stake out some grassy space. Tip: Have you ever noticed the alternate Roman numeral 4 on the Cathedral clock? Editors Note: A smart reader pointed out last year that the numeral on the Cathedral clock was indeed an acceptable (though less common) variation on the number 4 at the time it was constructed, but you should still check it out.

Dutch Alley: Secluded and shady; a perfect stop when you want to turn down the volume a bit.

House of Blues Stage: It appears to us that this upper Decatur stage is relocating in 2013 from its former sunstroke inducing corner to the interior of the HOB, giving us yet another shady destination. Always a good thing.

Monteleone/Palm Court: So the Monteleone again sponsers a stage, it is again among our shady venues, but your destination is NOT the signature Carousel Bar in the hotel on upper Royal but instead the Palm Court Jazz Club on lower Decatur and the opposite end of the Quarter, home base of centenarian trumpeter Lionel Ferbos and worth checking out this year.

Made in the shade: It can be hot and steamy out there, and you’ll want to take a break from the sunshine every now and again. As we mentioned above, there are like 1000 bars happy to help you out with that. But if you can’t bear to miss the music, check out this new for 2012 map noting all the shady spots and indoor stages, very important items to add to your strategic plan. As noted previously, the back side of the Mint at Esplanade and Dutch Alley are both terrific shaded outdoor venues. And the BMI Stage in the Historic New Orleans Collection on Royal is a shady courtyard that feels like a secret hideout for grownups. We wouldn’t necessarily use the adjective ‘cool’ to describe Preservation Hall, but it is indoors and thus meets the shade criterion. For the trifecta of music, shade, and A/C, consider both Irvin Mayfield’s Jazz Playhouse on Bourbon in the Royal Sonesta and the new for this year stage at the newly renovated and always legendary Carousel Bar in the Monteleone Hotel on upper Royal. Here are all the locations:

So that’s it: Our guide to the logistics of our favorite festival. Let us know if these tips help, and let us know if you have any questions we didn’t address. And, here are our comprehensive guides to the food and the music to complete your planning!

Stuck for something to do in the yawning gap between Mardi Gras and Saint Patrick’s Day here in NOLA? You could do much worse then heading down to the Mint for NOLA Girl Jam 2013, the second local iteration of this celebration of women in jazz and dance beginning tomorrow and running through Sunday.

The ladies in the musical lineup are very solid, including some of our favorites like Sasha Masakowski and Kristina Morales, and tickets to the Friday and Saturday evening performances include a cocktail hour in the price of admission. Filling out the weekend at the same venue are topical seminars and dance lessons from some notable pros, including Nathalie Gomes-Adams.

More information in the YouTube clip below, and in case you’re wondering if the dancers are any good, check out the clip of Gomes-Adams below that.

Happy weekend!

He and She Said:

Ok, so you’re here for a week now, and you do know that there’s more to this town than hand grenades, hurricanes, and boobs on balconies, right? C’mon, don’t make us mistake you for Falcon fans. Make the most of your trip and bring home some great stories. To help you get around, here are XLVII things you shouldn’t miss in the Big Easy:

I. Turn on WWOZ. Yeah, we get it, there’s a game happening and sports radio is everywhere, but find time to put 90.7 on the dial and let the best radio station on earth penetrate your circumstances.

II. Take a walk down Royal Street. Get a drink somewhere to go (and isn’t that a nice tradition?), step away from Bourbon Street, and take in the buskers, galleries, and architecture on one of the prettiest streets in the Quarter.

Visit a neighborhood bar. Or two, or three. NOLA is full of quirky watering holes. Consider III. Bud Rip’s in Bywater, IV. The Milan Lounge Uptown, or V.the legendary  Snake and Jake’s Chrstmas Club on Oak Street in Riverbend.

Eat a PoBoy. Hell, eat a few. Try the inspired new takes on NOLA’s favorite sandwich at VI. Killer PoBoys in the Quarter, but also make time for the traditional roast beef and/ or shrimp at VII. Parkway Bakery in Mid City or VIII. Domilise’s Uptown.

IX. Ride the Saint Charles Streetcar Line. We know there are fancy new ones right by the dome, but take the time to ride the length of St Charles Avenue, right through the gorgeous Garden District.

X. Visit the Cities of the Dead: Saint Louis Cemetery #1, just outside the Quarter on Basin Street, is the oldest. Check out the striking funereal architecture of the above-ground tombs, but don’t bother asking favors of Marie Laveau; she only roots for the Saints.

XI. Eat Crawfish. It’s early in the season, but not too early to seek them out. Nothing is more social in New Orleans than crawfish and cold beer in someone’s backyard. If you hear the sounds of a boil, knock on the door with a sixpack in hand and you’ll probably do fine.

XII. Visit the National World War II Museum. Constantly expanding, the now-sprawling complex in the Warehouse District is remarkably comprehensive and worth as much time as you can give it. And there’s a pretty good John Besh restaurant on the premises.

XIII. Eat Lunch at Galatoire’s. Old school, clubby, quirky, traditional, and remarkably boozy, Galatoire’s is a restaurant like none other and the best reason to be on Bourbon Street.

XIV. Go to the Rock and Bowl. Bowling and live music? What’s not to love? Bring a group to the famous Mid-City Lanes. If you’re lucky, owner John Blancher will hit the stage himself with his own brand of legendary dance moves.

XV. Visit Fauberg Treme. The HBO series made it trendy, but the neighborhood has been important for a long time. Armstrong Park, Saint Augustine Catholic Church, and Wednesday night sets at the Candlelight Lounge are just a few of the attractions.

See live jazz. This goes without saying, right? Try the justifiably revered XVI. Snug Harbor in the Marigny for 8 and 10pm sets or consider the crystal clear acoustics at the Ramp Room in the newly opened XVII. Little Gem Saloon on Poydras.

Dress for dinner. Fit in at least a visit to one of the restaurants on the top of NOLA’s dining list. We suggest XVII. John Besh’s Restaurant August, the elegant XIX. Grill Room at the Windsor Court hotel, chef John Folse’s new XX. Restaurant R’Evolution in the Quarter, or a trip uptown for XXI. La Petite Grocery, XXII. Lilette, XXIII Coquette, or XXIII. Patois.

Eat Beignets. Take your pick from XXIV. Cafe du Monde in the Quarter or the charming XXV. Morning Call, nestled right in the middle of City Park.

Hit the other hot streets in a city blessed with an abundance of different areas where a few-block stroll will get you a little bit of everything. For example:

Oak Street, a community apart in Riverbend where you can grab lunch at XXVI. Cowbell NOLA, Coffee at the uber-quirky XXVII. Z’otz. Wine and cocktails at XXVIII. Oak, Live music at XXIX. The Maple Leaf, and art from XXX. Frenchy right across the street.

Frenchmen Street: Live music ground zero in NOLA, with the aforementioned Snug Harbor along with XXXI. Spotted Cat, XXXII. dba, and the great food and music combo at XXXIII. Three Muses.

Freret Street Uptown opens something new every five minutes, it seems. Don’t miss cocktail nirvana at XXXIV. Cure, pizza in 9o seconds in a bazillion degree oven imported from Italy at XXXV. Ancora Pizzeria, art at XXXVI. DuMois Gallery, and the bet hangover cure in town at XXXV. Dat Dog.

No neighborhod in the city is hotter than Bywater right now and there’s plenty to see in NOLA’s answer to Portlandia. XXXVI. Maurepas Foods is hitting it’s stride, and right across the street is the quirky and terrific XXXVII. Suis Generis, and across the street is the gallery of XXXVIII. Chris Porche West. Catch Kermit Ruffins Thursday night at the street party otherwise known as XXXIX. Vaughn’s, and check out the courtyard and the wine at the marvelously eclectic XL. Bacchanal.

You won’t spend all your time drinking Big Ass Beer on Bourbon, right? There are some can’t miss bars in the quarter, and you can string them together one after the other. Start with the XLI. Napoleon House, perfect for day drinking, move on to the rotating XLII. Carousel Bar in the Monteleone Hotel, Have baretender Chris Hannah make you something wonderful at Arnaud’s elegant XLII. French 75, Head over to the ingredient-obsessed XLIII. Bar Tonique on Rampart for authentic Ramos Gin Fizzes and Corpse Revivers, and hit the stand-up bar at XLIV. Tujagues on Decatur.

Right down the street, be sure to grab a muffuletta from XLV. Central Grocery, the best place to get New Orleans’ other signature sandwich.

Eat King Cake. There are more great choices than you can imagine, but you can do a lot worse than the apple and goat cheeese tour de force at XLVI. Cake Cafe in the Marigny.

Finally, when you need a little diner food to make up for some, um overindulgence, don’t look for a Denny’s or a Waffle House, stop into the only in New Orleans XLVII. Clover Grill on lower Bourbon for 24 hour strangeness.

And if you don’t like those suggestions, there are about 1047 more ays to spend your time between now and the big game. So enjoy, and leave believing NOLA should be the permanent Super Bowl host city.

Uhhh! I could barely make it off the couch. Every year the day after my company holiday party gets tougher. I blame age. And each time I vow that I ‘will never do this again.’ Sometimes you just have to have the ability to laugh at yourself, especially since everyone else is laughing at you one way or the other.

By 5:00 pm I was ready to venture back out into the world, but only if it meant one thing: pho. Steve wanted a beer (hair of the dog) and I preferred to have the soup delivered to the couch. At least we could agree on the food so to Pho Orchid we went. This Vietnamese national dish is always tasty; the morning after certain evenings it is necessary.

Gumbo remains my favorite soup on earth, but the flavorful yet light deliciousness that is pho is a definite second, the broth combined with several fresh jalapenos  and approximately half a basil plant. We made an attempt at a home version a few months back and while it was not what I consider a ready-for-company version, it was a solid first attempt. What it did was significantly increase my appreciation for the good stuff, hence my love affair with Pho Orchid.

The fact that I will drive down Clearview (maybe my least favorite street in the Metairie) to get to its location at 3117 Houma Boulevard speaks for itself. We have dined in many Vietnamese restaurants around the Greater New Orleans area and Pho Orchid gets my vote for best pho for two reasons: overall flavor of the dish and quality of the meat.

Every now and then the mystery meat in a random bowl of pho can be fatty, gristly, or just a little scary: a real turnoff, but never the case here. And the other thing that shines at Pho Orchid is the addictive flavor of the broth. Just enough mouthfeel to deliver intense taste without crossing the line into fatty and the perfect antidote for a head cold, a damp rainy day, or the day after your Christmas party. We had a very good version of the soup from Kim Anh’s recently, and we’re always fans of Dong Phuong’s version, but they both take a back seat to Pho Orchid.

An extra-large will set you back $9.95 and is more than enough for two to share. One of the most important aspects (outside of the flavor of the broth and quality of the meat) are the accoutrements. There are few worse things than getting that hot bowl of soup only to have it paired with blackened or wilted basil or fewer than needed sprouts or jalapeno slices. After what I consider to be significant research, I give Pho Orchid high marks here as well.

Banh Mi at the Orchid is also good, although I think for the best in the city Dong Phuong’s bakery is the place (as you can’t order it off the restaurant menu). Other noteworthy dishes include the spring rolls, grilled pork bun and Pad Thai. I must admit however that I will never make it through the majority of the menu because doing so would mean that I would betray my first love: the pho.

Ambiance is considerably nicer than many other Vietnamese restaurants. But let’s face it, you’re not really there for that. Service can be spotty, to say the least. One occasion it took us so long to get our check we were wondering if our waitress had left the premises. And as a matter of fact, we had to flag down someone else to actually pay for the meal. On a recent lunch when I dragged my coworkers on a field trip out of the CBD we waited over 30 minutes only to findout the person who makes the boba tea  and chillers ‘hadn’t come in yet.’

But oh, the soup is so, so damn good.

I remain steadfast in my quest to determine if any pho in the city of New Orleans can trump the Orchid’s. Until that day, my after-holiday bashes, post-late night endeavors and can’t move off the couch sick days will likely send me into the Metairie, down Clearview to Houma, for the king of pho.

She Said:

Wine’s at temperature, the aroma of exotic spices fills the kitchen, and the music is a playin’. An ideal Saturday date night at home.

It was our first full day in the house post-holidays sans guests. I could think of no better way to spend a few hours than breaking out the tagine my husband gave me for Christmas and taking her for a spin. Thanks to Hollygrove Market’s weekly produce box we had some fresher than fresh ingredients to toy around with. 

If you google tagine, you’ll find it means two things: both the traditional covered clay vessel used for slow cooking in North Africa and the meals that are the result. While in Marrakech last year we were fortunate enough to take a hands-on class in the technique, but the clay pots were to heavy and unwieldy to pack and bring back. And if you don’t have the actual clay pot, you can use a dutch oven to similar effect, so don’t cross tagine off your list for want of equipment. What I like about tagine cooking is the long slow braise, well-suited not only to blending the flavors of the dish, but also producing a relaxing at home event. Think comfort food at it’s finest.

The wine: Moroccan food it is heavy on the spice (not the heat), and the tagines can be varying degrees of sweet or savory resulting in a variety of good wine-pairing opportunities. The savory and beefy dish we made called for something apprpriately big, and we chose a 2010 Clos Mogador from the Priorat region of Spain, a wine we’d been aiting for the right chance to try. The blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Garnacha, and Syrah was a show-stopper, and as an alternative we think Syrahs and Syrah blends would pair well here. 

 The music: Considering it was January 5, 2013, the eve of the Twelfth Night, we listened to our Big NOLA playlist including folks like Rebirth, Kermit, Trombone Shorty, Dr. John, Anders Osborne, etc.

Prep time is about 45 minutes. Total cooking time is approximately 3 hours.

 Beef and root vegetable tagine:

Ingredients:

• 3 tablespoons plus 3 teaspoons ras el hanout Moroccan spice blend, recipe below
• 600 grams of beef chunks cut into pieces (we used stew meat)
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 medium red onion chopped
• 2 cloves of garlic
• 1 stalk of celery, chopped
• 1 yam, cut into 1 inch pieces
• ½ cup carrot, in ¼ inch pieces
• Stems from 1 small bunch of cilantro and ¼ cup cilantro leaves, chopped
• 2 tomatoes, blanched and chopped
• 4-5 cups of stock or broth (beef or poultry)
• 1/3 cup green or black olives chopped
• Preserved lemon (1/2 lemon) or 2 lemons prepared as instructed below.

Ras el hanout:

• 2 teaspoons ground ginger
• 2 teaspoons ground cardamon
• 1 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon ground allspice
• 1 teaspoon ground coriander seeds
• 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1 teaspoon turmeric
• 1 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cayenne pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon ground anise seeds
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

If any of the spices you have on hand happen to be whole just grind them and add to the mix. This is particularly great if your cumin seed is whole because you can lightly toast it before grinding and adding in.

*note this will make more than you need for this tagine, but you can save it for a later use. It is delicious on meat or oven roasted root veggies.

 Coat beef chunks with 3 tbs of the Moroccan spice blend and marinate for 30 minutes (or overnihgt if you’re that organized).

Add meat and cook over medium heat for 5 minutes. Add in the chopped red onion chopped and stems from 1 bunch of cilantro and cook another 5 minutes.

Add  the tomatoes, garlic and 400 ml of stock.  Put in 2-3 tsp of the Moroccan spice blend and stir.  Bring to a boil and reduce heat to a simmer.  Cover and cook for 1.5 hours.

While this is cooking, peel and chop the yam, celery, carrot, turnip and green olives.

Take ½ lemon sliced and add 4 tsp salt along with ½ cup of lemon juice.  Bring it to a boil in a saucepan, reduce heat and simmer for about 10 minutes. Strain juice from the lemon mixture and cut up lemon and add that to the tagine. Preserved lemon (1/2 lemon) is preferable, but we didn’t have any on hand, so this is our alternative.

Add carrots, yam, celery, turnip and olives along with one more cup of stock (or up to 2 cups depending on how much of your stock has evaporated).

Continue to simmer for an additional 45 minutes to one hour depending on how long it takes to soften the root veggies. You will want to turn off the heat and let the tagine rest for about 10-15 minutes before serving. During the last ten minutes of active cooking prepare your couscous (4:1 stock to couscous ratio; bring stock to a boil, remove from heat, stir in couscous, cover and let stand 5 minutes). Sprinkle the tagine with chopped cilantro leaves and serve over couscous.

This will serve two for a romantic evening with plenty of leftovers, or up to six if you’re feeling a bit more social. Enjoy!